What has happened to dating? 

Do you ever find yourself sitting on the couch, on a Friday night watching some chick flick? Don't be shy, you know you've been there! Sometimes you cry while watching those chick flicks, because 1. You want a boyfriend! 2. It's a Friday night! No one wants to be alone on a Friday night. 

What is the definition of a date? 

"A date is a planned activity that allows a young man and a young woman to get to know each other better." FSY, Dating, P. 4. A date is an opportunity to get to know someone better, to gain social skills, gain friendships, and have fun! You shouldn't date someone seriously, unless you are considering marriage. When you are dating someone you are trying to show off your good qualities, but you should also be developing qualities. 

What is the worlds view of dating? 

"Hey, Jen, do you want to hang out tonight, a bunch of people are coming to the apartment tonight, it will be fun!" 

When you hang out there is no commitment required, pre-planned activity. Much of the time hanging out involves hooking up (have sexual relationships, or non-committal make out sessions NCMOS). Many times people get out with their group of friends to hang out, but spend most of the time together thinking about what they should do. They don't have the opportunity to really get to know someone on a personal level. 

So why don't men ask women out? 

The number one reason men don't ask women out is the fear of rejection. Men are scared of being rejected. Let's not be naive to the fact, that yes, sometimes women will reject men and their invitation to go on a date. Most women would love to go on a date, to get to know someone better and spend time making a friend, or finding a potential spouse. That sounds better than watching some chick flick! 

Another reason is the world has twisted the view of a date so much that if you have a date with someone, you are automatically dating (meaning you are boyfriend and girlfriend). No wonder women turn down dates, because the worlds view is that if you go on a date you have to marry that person! When in reality you are trying to get to know that person. 

This is how we should look at relationships and how they form. 

Dating 

            Courtship

                              Engagement

                                                     Marriage

These are steps we should take towards marriage, but most of the time instead of taking these steps, we slide down to marriage, missing some very important elements, needed for a lasting marriage. 

Let's take a moment and look at cohabitation. When people move in together to test the waters. To see if they could live together and eventually get married. This was very popular in the 80's and 90's, social scientists actually recommended it, because they thought it would help bring the divorce rates down. When in fact, it tripled the number of divorce rates. When you co-habitate, you form habits, and usually those habits don't change after marriage. When they were cohabitating, they could leave the relationship if things weren't working out, so some of those habits stuck and they left the marriage. 

Do you see some parallels here? 

Hanging out and cohabitation are both non-committal. They require little effort, and if one doesn't wants to opt out, they can. 

Dating and marriage is planned. It is prepared for. Marriage is a leap of faith, but if you are both willing to do it and work through anything you face, you are setting yourselves up to succeed.  

A popular quote from the classic chick flick, The Notebook says, "So it's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be really hard. And we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever. You and me. Every day."